L Is A Four Letter Word
by kt2785
Summary: Sawyer and Kate want each other. But is it love or will they just end up hurting each other again? Oneshot. Skate. Please R & R! Rated M for sexual situations and language


**1 Month After Rescue**

Kate looked around, as if someone she knew would actually be there, but nonetheless was slightly nervous. The motel looked a little seedy, but she was ok with that. She used the key and opened the door, then stood against the door to close it faster.

"You afraid that one of your PTA moms might see you?" Sawyer asked, coming into the room wearing only his towel.

"No," she sighed. "I just-should we even be doing this? I mean-"

"Freckles," he shook his head. "Any time you want to stop, just let me know, and we'll stop. No one is making you-"

"We haven't even done anything yet," she shrugged. "I mean, we've talked, and that's it-"

"And that's all it can be if that's what you want," he said.

"But what about what you want?" she asked softly.

"Since when did that matter," he told her, honestly but still gently. She let out a soft sigh, mostly mad at her self. She stepped toward him slowly.

"You did this on purpose didn't you?" she whispered.

"Did what?" he asked, innocently, but with a smirk.

"You told me to come at 11:30, but you knew you'd show up at the door in a towel," she replied.

"Eh, maybe a little," he answered. She stepped toward him again and put her hands on his chest. She could feel his heart beat. It was getting faster. As his heart beat harder and faster, she could feel her own start to pound. He let out a soft breath and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She hesitated to kiss him, but finally pressed her lips to his. He kissed her back agonizingly slowly. It reminded her of the first time he slipped his tongue into her mouth. It was intoxicating. She had her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. He put his hands against her waist, but didn't try to over take her. She let out a soft breath and broke the kiss.

"So?" he asked softly. "What's it gonna be?"

She leaned forward again and kissed him fervently. She scratched and grabbed at his chest. He smiled weakly, but wrapped his arms around her tightly and pulled her toward the bed. He landed on top of her. She pulled his towel away from his body and quickly unzipped her own jeans. She gasped at the air, trying to get a deep enough breath, but never succeeding. He sat her up and pulled her shirt off. She was more frantic than him, but he allowed her to be. He held back. She kissed his neck and chest. She hadn't laid back down yet. She reached her arms behind her back and unhooked her bra. She flung it across the room, more violently than she had meant to and it landed on the lamp shade. She chuckled softly.

"Oops," she said. She leaned back in to kiss him. He pulled her jeans off and then stopped. "Wh-why are you stopping?"

He ran his finger across her cheek and down her lips.

"We have the rest of our lives darlin'," he whispered.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I know…but it's been over 3 years. I used to think about you. I know you probably don't believe me. I used to have these really intense sex dreams about you. You would be hovering over me, and I would just anticipate you lowering down. Filling me up. Did you dream about me?"

"Hmm," he groaned softly and rolled over on top of her. She smirked at him and opened her mouth. He kissed her and pulled her underwear down. She gasped softly and he lowered down slowly. She let out another breath. He rose back up and came back down.

"Yes," she whispered softly into his ear. "James. Faster."

He started moving faster. He had his mouth against her face. She could hear him breathing. His breath was warm against her hear. She could remember how it felt. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him tighter. She could tell that he wanted to go slow, but both of them wanted more and faster.

"Fuck," Sawyer whispered into her ear. She moaned loudly.

She was laying next to him. He reached over and took her hand. She looked at him and smiled weakly.

"So what is this?" she asked softly. "What are we doing?"

"I dunno," he shrugged. "I don't want to mess anything up for you. I like spending time with you Freckles. On the island, never really did get sick of teasing you."

"The feeling's mutual cowboy," she chuckled.

"Ok," he nodded. "Then we tease each other. Spend time together I guess."

"Deal," she said. She kissed him again.

"So tell me more about these sex dreams," he said. She chuckled and shook her head.

"They're my secret," she whispered.

"But you just told me about them," he answered. "Come on Freckles."

He rolled over on top of her and looked down at her.

"Tell me," he said.

"OK," she murmured. "But they were all different. I guess I'll tell you about one, particularly vivid dream. We were here. I was waiting for Jack to come home, but instead, you walked through the front door. But instead of being confused, it was like a normal thing. I stopped what I was doing and lead you upstairs to my bedroom. I shut the door behind me and you stepped forward. You kissed me. You sucked on my tongue. Then you pushed me towards the bed. You climbed on top of me. You kissed my neck. You ran your tongue down my neck and chest."

He shifted next to her and smirked at her. She smiled and ran her hand down his arm.

"Should I keep going?" she asked softly. He nodded. "Well you kept your hands all over me. Always touching me. I loved the way it felt."

"Did you ever wake up moaning my name?" he whispered. She nodded, somewhat guiltily.

"In my dreams, you fucked me so hard," she said. "All this time I waited. Waited for you to touch me again." She leaned forward again to kiss him. He kissed her back and pulled her closer. He ran his hand down her back.

"You are so pretty," he told her. She looked down and shook her head slightly. He smiled at her. He kissed her lips slowly. Then moved to her cheeks and her eyes. She leaned against him and let out a soft breath. His chest was still damp with sweat. She had her hand against his neck and breathed in again. She let out a soft contented sigh.

"I missed your scent," she whispered.

"I'm all gross and sweaty," he told her.

"Hmm," she shook her head. "No. You smell good."

She spent the night at the hotel and then went home in the morning.

* * *

Claire and Aaron were staying with her. She didn't mind having them there, but she couldn't bare the thought that they might leave someday. She continued to see Sawyer. She guessed that the definition of what they were doing was "dating", but they never actually said they were exclusive. Wasn't it an unsaid rule though?

She came running down the steps. She was wearing a pretty black dress. It was short, but not too short. He was wearing a suit. He looked sharp all dressed up. Not that she didn't love the way he looked all scruffy and dirty on the island, but it was a nice change of pace.

"Hey," she smiled.

"You ready?" he asked. She nodded and he linked their arms. They walked down the steps and Kate saw a black limo waiting for them. She gasped softly and looked at Sawyer.

"What?" she asked.

"Special occasion Freckles," he said. "I decided to treat you to a ride in style, instead of my old hoopty."

She chuckled and followed him down to the limo. The driver was standing by the open door. He nodded at Kate and smiled at her. Sawyer held out his hand for Kate to take and get inside. She sat down next to him and held on to his hand.

"You're not wearing underwear," he told her.

"How'd you know?" she asked.

"The look on your face," he responded.

"Well, I just figured, what's the point?" she said. He raised his eyebrows and smirked at her again. Kate wasn't even entirely sure where they were going. She was falling more deeply in love with him, but neither of them had said the words.

"You're amazing," she whispered. "You know that don't you."

He nodded and smirked at her. She leaned forward and kissed him. She maneuvered over him and kissed him deeper. He kissed her back and ran his hand down her neck and back. He pushed her skirt up and she looked at him and nodded slowly. He bit down on his lip and unzipped his pants. She smiled at him and let out a soft chuckle.

"I wonder how many people have fucked in here," he whispered into her ear. She chuckled again and leaned forward to kiss him again. She let out a groan as he thrust against her. She moaned and moved against him. It was almost like they were fighting…back and forth…faster and harder than before. She tried to hold back her moans, not wanting the limo driver to hear her. When the car stopped, Kate quickly moved her skirt back down and went toward the door. The limo driver smiled at her as she got out of the car. They walked into the party.

It was a party where Kate had known quite a few of the people. She was making the rounds around the room. She talked to several people. Sawyer disappeared from her side. She didn't really mind. She was glad that he was socializing with other people. The house she was at was a house of children that used to play with Aaron. Kate found the mom and walked toward her.

"Thanks for inviting us," Kate said and hugged her. "We have to get the kids together again soon. Aaron's just getting to know his real mom for now."

"Kate, you were his real mom," the woman answered. "Anyway…who was that man I saw you walk in with. He was a honey."

"Yeah," Kate chuckled. "He's great. Have you seen him by the way?"

"I think I saw him walk upstairs, he was with Melanie," she answered. "I think they used to know each other or something."

Kate opened her mouth. She didn't know what to say so she closed it again. She headed up the stairs. Sawyer was coming down the stairs with the woman. Kate looked at them and tried to smile.

"Hey," Sawyer said. He walked toward her and kissed her softly. "This is Melanie. We haven't seen each other in years. I mean, how long has it been? 10-"

"Don't age me too much James!" she exclaimed and chuckled. Kate looked away and Sawyer continued down the stairs. Kate grabbed the arm of the woman and pushed her against the wall. Sawyer quickly parted them.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Stay away from him," Kate whispered.

"Why should I?" she scoffed.

"Well in case he didn't tell you, I'm his girlfriend," Kate scoffed.

"For now maybe," the woman stated. "But honey, he's not going to stay with you the rest of his life. He's a desirable man, and if you're not careful-"

"Look bitch, stay away from him!" Kate exclaimed coming toward her and shoving her.

"Excuse me!" she yelled back. "How dare you-"

"He's mine!" Kate interrupted.

"Well he was mine first," Melanie answered. Kate screamed sharply and shoved the woman against the wall again. She reached back to hit her, but Sawyer was there and grabbed her arm.

"Kate-" he began. She ran down the stairs. She would have gone out the door, but there were several people standing in the way. Instead she turned and went into the bathroom and slammed the door. She looked at the door knob and saw that there was no lock _Damn. _Sawyer followed her. He opened the door. She saw him in the mirror.

"Come on," he began.

"Leave me alone!" she exclaimed.

"Don't do this," he whispered.

"Don't do what?" she asked. "Don't love you? Don't be hurt?"

"Don't be pissed," he scoffed. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You fucked her didn't you?" she asked.

"No," he answered quickly.

"See, that was too quick," she chuckled. "Tell me the truth James. Just tell it. I don't care. Tell me right now."

He stayed quiet and shook his head. She shoved him against the wall and he put his arms up in defense. She smacked his chest and then pushed him again, but suddenly pulled his shirt opened and ran her hands against his chest. She crashed her lips against his and kissed him hard and fast. He kissed her back and fumbled with her skirt. He pulled her dress up over her head and spun them around. He pushed against her into the wall. She wrapped one leg around him and moaned loudly.

"Fuck me James," she said into his ear.

He moved quickly and kissed her neck. She moaned louder and pressed her mouth against his shoulder to muffle the sounds. He came and so did she.

She left the bathroom. Several people looked at her. She pushed past them and ran out of the house. Sawyer followed her, even though he knew it probably wasn't a good idea. He caught the door to the limo before Kate could shut it. She glared at him, but moved over and let him inside. She crossed her arms and didn't look at him. The drive home was silent. Sawyer kept wanting to say something, but he couldn't find the words. When they got to Kate's house, Kate got out without waiting for the driver to open her door. She went up to the house. Sawyer followed her quickly and stopped her from going inside.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I want to know," she whispered. "I want to know if you slept with her."

"No," he answered again. "I don't know what else to say."

"Tell me the truth," she shook her head. "I saw that look on your face. So just tell me the truth."

"Yes," he sighed. "Fine. Yes. You happy?"

"Am I happy?" she scoffed. "Yes James, I'm just thrilled!"

"It didn't mean anything!" he exclaimed. "It was just sex."

"And what are we doing James? Is that just sex?" she asked. "Just stupid fucking. That's it.

"Don't be jealous," he shook his head. "You have no right to be jealous. You slept with Jack!"

"So?" she exclaimed. "What does that have to do with anything! I thought you loved me."

"I do," he replied.

"If you loved me you wouldn't have slept with that other chick tonight!" she exclaimed. "You don't even know how to love. You don't love anyone except yourself! So fuck you!"

"What about you Kate?" he asked. "You don't really love me. You just love the way I feel inside you. Not real love Freckles."

"Leave," she shook her head. "I don't ever want to see you again."

Kate went into the house and shut the door. She grabbed onto the door knob. She almost opened it again to go after him, but instead she lowered herself to the ground and let herself cry softly.

**6 Months Later**

She had been out all day. She was exhausted and it was pouring rain. She went into the house, and just walking from the driveway into the house she was soaking wet. She took off her shoes and went up the stairs. She went into her bedroom and shut the door behind her. Then she looked up and saw him sitting in the chair near her bed. She gasped softly. He was sleeping against his arm. She sighed and walked toward him.

"James," she whispered. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey-ya," he murmured and opened his eyes.

"How did you get in?" she asked, with a slight scoff. "I mean, I haven't even seen you since-well, you know, and that was- What are you doing here?"

"I know," he sighed. "I stayed away because-well because you told me to. But…I couldn't stay away any more. I've spent all this time just thinking about you and feeling like shit from that night."

"How did you get in?" she asked again.

"Claire," he replied. "I guess she went to bed hours ago. I just-I wanted to see you."

"Well I want you to leave," she answered. "You can't just come in and out of my life-our lives! Get out."

"I know," he said again. This time he stood up and walked toward her. She backed away slightly, but he continued toward her. "I know. I shouldn't have just shown up like this. And I know-I know we already did this, and it didn't exactly work out, and that's probably more my fault than yours, but please…Kate, I'm so sick of being alone. Aren't you?"

"I'm not alone," she shook her head. "I have Claire and Aar-"

"You know that's not what I mean," he whispered. "I know I'll never be good enough for you. I'll always be a criminal, but…then again, so will you."

"Don't do this," she shook her head. "It was better when you stayed away."

"No," he argued. "No it wasn't better. I thought that it's what I wanted. I thought that I should stay away because in the end…I don't know if it will ever work. But I'd rather try, than never know. So please Freckles. Don't make me leave. Let me stay. Let me-let me try to love you."

He was standing even closer to her. Her hair was dripping on his shoes, she could hear it. She leaned against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He followed suit and held her closely. She was breathing heavily. He pushed her coat off her shoulders. She looked at him. He wasn't smiling, but he was looking at her with the same intensity that he always had. She leaned forward and kissed his lips. He kissed her back and ran his hands down her arms. Her skin was cold from being out in the rain. She walked forward and he walked backward toward the bed. He sat back on the bed, but Kate didn't follow him. Instead she took a step back. He waited. He almost thought that she was going to kick him out, but instead she unzipped her pants and pulled them down. She stepped out of her pants and looked at Sawyer seductively. He smirked at her. She pulled her shirt off and walked toward him. She straddled his legs. He ran his hand up her body. She unhooked her bra and let it fall between them.

He looked at her. Resting his hands on the back of her shoulders. She smiled at him and shook her head. Again, he thought that she would tell him to leave, but instead she pushed him down gently. She kissed his chest. She moved her head shaking the hair out of her face. She looked down at him and stopped.

"Do you love me?" she whispered.

"Darlin'," he sighed and put his hand against her cheek.

"Never mind," she shook her head. "It's not important."

"Yeah it is," he replied. "Freckles, I love you. I love you so much. It's been killing me staying away from you."

"Then why did you?" she asked softly. "You stayed away from me for so long."

"I thought it's what you wanted," he sighed. "And I thought it would be better for both of us. I didn't think that I could be a good enough man for you."

He ran his hand down her arm and shrugged. She shook her head and moved closer.

"You always loved me," she whispered.

"Yeah," he answered, even though she hadn't really been asking.

"I felt it," she shook her head. "I felt every moment that you loved me."

"I did," he answered. "I do."

"I know," she said. "I can feel it right now. I can feel it in your chest. In your touch."

He ran his hand down her back. He touched her legs. He pulled her closer, but didn't do it roughly. He kissed her again. She rolled on to her back and pulled him on top of her. He looked down at her. He looked at her body up and down.

"Love me," she whispered. "Make love to me James."

He lowered down slowly. She gasped somewhat loudly. Then moaned as he moved. He moved slower than he ever had. It wasn't in the heat of the moment. They weren't trying to do anything fast. He kissed her and sucked on her tongue. She loved the way he did that. He stayed on top of her. With his head against her neck.

"I want to be with you Freckles," he whispered. "I can be a good man for you."

"You are a good man James," she told him. She leaned against him and put her head against his chest.

**A/N: Hope you liked it. I know it was short, but I just thought of this series of scenes and I wanted to do a oneshot. **


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